Body Issues!!!!
My body..ugh! Whe're do I begin? I hate my nose...my stomachs is flabby and covered in stretch marks...my thighs are huge...my knees are knobby...my elbows over extend... I could go on and on. Trust me, I have lived in this body for 45 years, I have had plenty of time to study every detail of its short (and some far too large) comings. I see the women on tv and the pictures in the magazines, I know what a female body should look like and mine isn't even close.
I have suffered from body image issues for as long as I can remember. As a skinny little kid with bony knees to a developing teen with far too many curves to a college student dealing with the freshman 15 (or 20...okay...25) to a young mom battling anxiety and refusing to eat to a middle aged mom fighting the scale and the number in her jeans. I have never felt good in my own skin. It's sad really to live in this world of self-deprication. Wondering if this outfit makes me look fat or if my hair is too frizzy. A lot of me going on in my head all the time, and not good thoughts...hurtful things. I am my worst enemy.
I made my mind up recently to post only positive messages on my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts. I was hoping that might spark a great change in my life, and in some ways it has. But the body thing, not so much. So where do we go from here? The obvious answer....hot yoga of course. Nothing says I feel sexy like putting on clothes that are too tight, walking into a room full of strangers and proceeding to sweat buckets, all while contorting your body into impossible shapes. And yet, it does!
I have found out things about my body that I didn't know, or that I have chosen to ignore in favor of beating myself with the negative. My body can do incredible things! It can bend and stretch and become this beautiful creation moving through pose after pose. muscle, flesh and bone all working together...becoming stronger every day.
I am not much for exercise. Have never really loved it, but saw it as a necessity given my eating habits (that is a subject for another day), but never in my life have I looked forward to exercise the way I look forward to yoga. I feel in tune with me when I take to my mat. Now, let's not get all crazy, my thighs are still too big and my stomach still covered in stretch marks, but I have found a place of existence where I can accept them for what they are...a part of a magnificent whole. A body that can do wonderous things. A body that is uniquely mine.
So while I still can't look at myself naked in the mirror. I can look at the stretch marks I hate so much and see them for what they are, a reminder that I am a mom to three great kids. I can look at my big thighs and know that I am an athlete able to run and jump. I can look at my too long arms and know they can hug a friend in need. I can look at my big, bony feet and know that they will follow the Lord. I can look at my body and know all the incredible things it can do.
So while my body issues are not all solved by the practice of yoga, I have found some wonderful acceptance of myself, and that is a long time coming.
I have suffered from body image issues for as long as I can remember. As a skinny little kid with bony knees to a developing teen with far too many curves to a college student dealing with the freshman 15 (or 20...okay...25) to a young mom battling anxiety and refusing to eat to a middle aged mom fighting the scale and the number in her jeans. I have never felt good in my own skin. It's sad really to live in this world of self-deprication. Wondering if this outfit makes me look fat or if my hair is too frizzy. A lot of me going on in my head all the time, and not good thoughts...hurtful things. I am my worst enemy.
I made my mind up recently to post only positive messages on my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts. I was hoping that might spark a great change in my life, and in some ways it has. But the body thing, not so much. So where do we go from here? The obvious answer....hot yoga of course. Nothing says I feel sexy like putting on clothes that are too tight, walking into a room full of strangers and proceeding to sweat buckets, all while contorting your body into impossible shapes. And yet, it does!
I have found out things about my body that I didn't know, or that I have chosen to ignore in favor of beating myself with the negative. My body can do incredible things! It can bend and stretch and become this beautiful creation moving through pose after pose. muscle, flesh and bone all working together...becoming stronger every day.
I am not much for exercise. Have never really loved it, but saw it as a necessity given my eating habits (that is a subject for another day), but never in my life have I looked forward to exercise the way I look forward to yoga. I feel in tune with me when I take to my mat. Now, let's not get all crazy, my thighs are still too big and my stomach still covered in stretch marks, but I have found a place of existence where I can accept them for what they are...a part of a magnificent whole. A body that can do wonderous things. A body that is uniquely mine.
So while I still can't look at myself naked in the mirror. I can look at the stretch marks I hate so much and see them for what they are, a reminder that I am a mom to three great kids. I can look at my big thighs and know that I am an athlete able to run and jump. I can look at my too long arms and know they can hug a friend in need. I can look at my big, bony feet and know that they will follow the Lord. I can look at my body and know all the incredible things it can do.
So while my body issues are not all solved by the practice of yoga, I have found some wonderful acceptance of myself, and that is a long time coming.
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