Memories

It is hard to believe that it has been almost a year since I have heard your voice; and yet some days it feels more like a lifetime.  My heart is still broken with you absence, but there are more and more days without tears.  This is healing, I think.

There are days that are filled with odd memories.  Moments that had been tucked away and surface like tiny bubbles.  Some make me smile and almost laugh, others seem to peel at that ever present wound.

Yesterday, my memories were of my wedding.  Specifically seeing you before you walked me down the aisle.  We shared tears of joy that day. Who would have guessed that 23 years later that memory would bring tears of a whole other kind.

There are other days that I remember you mowing the lawn in that awful plaid shirt, unsnapped if it was too hot, short khaki shorts and tall socks.  I chuckle thinking how embarrassed I was at the thought of my friends seeing you like that.  Who was I kidding? Their dads were dressed the same way. Or the time we were at the mall and you rolled your pants up to show off your socks because you wanted to get a rise out of me.  Those are the memories that make me giggle.  You had a great sense of humor.

I was missing you yesterday. Missing your smile, your words of wisdom, your sense of humor and, oddly, your smell.  You always smelled like a mixture of dial soap, head and shoulders shampoo and downy.  You smelled like home. I miss that.

This morning, I heard 'your song'.  Every time I hear it, I weep. The lyrics have always made me long for Heaven, but nothing like they do now that you are there.  I long to see your face again.  To let you know how much I love you. And to have some reassurance that you still love me too.

We will continue to move on in your absence, but know that you are never far from our hearts.  Keep sending those memories, though they may bring tears, they make me feel a tiny bit closer to you.

'Your Song':

"I Can Only Imagine"
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

[Chorus]

I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you