Praying and typing

My love for God consumes me. I live to please Him. To follow His call. To honor Him in all that I do. And yet, there are days I feel so far from Him. Days like today. Days I long to be held and hear His whispers...but nothing comes. 

My mom just informed me that she isn't sure she will wake up from the anesthetic and worse yet, she isn't sure she wants to. Words cannot express my sorrow. 

The wounds left by my fathers death are too fresh and too deep. I am not sure I could survive another loss. I am terrified beyond words.

I know she can survive this, if she wants to. But I am not sure she does. 

All I can do and EVERYTHING I can do is pray. Prayers for the doctors, prayers for peace in all that is happening and prayers for my mom to find the strength and the desire to live. Prayers that God will walk with her and hold her during this next few hours. 

So here I sit...praying...typing...and watching the beeper. Anything but the doctor waking through the door, right?